10 Funniest Things Patients Have Said to Nurses & Doctors

When you’ve been a nurse for a while, believe me, that element of surprise you initially had becomes nonexistent. In fact, nothing shocks us after a certain point. We’ve seen enough silliness, grossness, and just plain “what the heck” moments that nothing phases us. However, it’s always a great time to poke fun at some of the things we’ve seen (and heard) in the workplace. Here are some real-life nurse and physician accounts of the weirdest and most hysterical things they’ve heard from their patients.

I headed to Reddit to find some of the internet’s most hilarious things real patients have said to doctors.

10 Funniest Things Patients Have Said to Nurses & Doctors

1. I had an alcoholic patient who kept asking for a six pack but the funny part is that she was so aggravated/annoyed with people coming in her room, she said verbatim “I wish I had Ebola so you people would leave me alone.” (submitted by tjh28 RN, BSN- Stepdown)

2. Had a patient wake up from anesthesia. first thing he said was, I WANT A KLONDIKE BAR! and said it with a real aggressive tone, like he was pissed we didn’t have it ready for him. (submitted by mynameismaryjo MSN, CRNA)

3. [A patient] held my hand, looked at my aid, and said, This is my lover. This is what I get. (submitted by tansrn RN, BSN)

4. As I was contemplating eating a donut and staring at it, one of my confused, demented patients is sitting in a wheelchair behind me at the station, sees me and tells me out of the blueyou eat that donut and I’ll watch your figure for you. I never laughed so hard. I told his wife later and she couldn’t believe it. (submitted by amesann RN-trauma)


Patient: Excuse me

Me: Why?

Patient: * mouths * I farted

(submitted by DoctorBrynncess RN, BN- Palliative)

6.  Friends dad said a lady came in complaining about the “sick as hell” disease. She had sickle cell. (submitted by GrantzRantz)


Had a patient try to explain her husband’s seizure meds to me:

“He’s on them peanut butter balls.”

“Peanut butter balls?” I think for a moment, “peanut butter balls, peanut butter ba– Oh man, do you mean phenobarbital?!?”

“Yes, that’s what I just said!”

(submitted by Liv-Julia)

8. (I’m a [female] nurse) I was bending over an elderly patient to help him and he looks right at me (our faces are very close) and with great concern says “You look like Hitler”

I knew then I let my lip fuzz get too out of control… (submitted by ladyprime)

9. We had a lady a while back with abdominal pain. When asked to describe the pain she said “It feels like I’m Wonder Woman shooting flames out of my nipples.” (submitted bt Dahl0314)

10. Had a lady call 911 for her newborn because, “His meats is falling out!” She was hysterically sobbing and screaming. The “meat” was her baby’s umbilical cord stump falling off like normal. (submitted by katherine_rf)

Author: Travel Nurse Source

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